Wednesday, June 15, 2011

All Is Well





(A few pictures from our trip to Tonto Natural Bridge, one of my favorite places in AZ)

When I was in school, I kept saying to myself that everything will be easier once I'm out. That we'll be able to rest a bit, take a little breather. . . ha! At least I haven't fallen into the "so-lazy-I-can't-get-out-of-bed" trap. Although I have, unfortunately, fallen into the "so-busy-I-don't-have-time-to-shower" trap. Nice.

Sometimes it seems like every step we take toward adoption is suddenly cut off by a gigantic brick wall. We think we can move forward, but then BAM! Brick wall. For instance, we were able to add Nicholas and Natalia onto our military benefits, as long as we can turn in their social security cards. No problem, I think, because we have a notarized document saying we can get the cards from the government. Previously, we were told by military human resources that we'd have to have a court order saying that the 2 kids are our legal dependents, but then when we went back in around 2-3 weeks later, they said it wasn't necessary. I almost EXPLODED with happiness. So. . . I called the national number for social security info, and they said that the docs we have will work just fine. I gather all the kids' birth certificates (difficult to get) and vaccine info, and went in a few days later, only to be told (BAM! Insert brick wall) that we have to have a court order to get their cards, and that notarized documents are not accepted. Along with this, we're facing other significant obstacles to getting cards (they just keep popping up), so we really don't know how to remedy the situation.

At nearly every step something similar has happened. I am exhausted physically (2 crying kids in the social security office while trying to speak to a supervisor and argue my point?!) and emotionally. The amazing part? Every time I'm tempted to SCREAM and THROW SOMETHING across the room, a beautiful peace settles on me. Every time I think that I am just incapable of taking one more step, I'm given strength.

Two Sundays ago there was a beautiful lesson in church where we talked about the Brother of Jared in the Book of Mormon (http://lds.org/scriptures/bofm/ether/3?lang=eng). It was inspiring to see how he faced so many obstacles, but persisted. That his faith remained strong as he continued to ask the Lord to guide him. How, when he faced situations that, according to our understanding, should be impossible to overcome, the Lord made a way. I know that the Lord will light our way, as He did for the brother of Jared, and that He has mercifully lit our way at each step.

I spoke to Nicholas and Natalia's mother and father today for the first time. It went better than I had thought it would, but not as well as I had hoped. We're meeting with their mother this weekend. Surprisingly, I feel (yet again) peace and reassurance. I don't know that we'll keep the kids, but I know that this, right now, is what we should be doing. And I LOVE fighting for them. Even if that means taking 3 kids--2 screaming--to the social security office, or spending entire days (yes, I'm not exaggerating) on the phone trying to figure things out. This trial is one that's easy for me to find joy in, because, while the kids are screaming, I'm also at that moment LOVING having to wrangle them! I love everything about them, even their screams, and especially their laughter and crazy antics.

Here's something that keeps me going.
"Why should we mourn, or think our lot is hard? Tis not so, all is right. Why should we think to earn a great reward if we now shun the fight? Gird up your loins, fresh courage take, our God will never us forsake."

4 comments:

RonElaine said...

I love you Aubs! These pics make me miss you guys so much. I just want to give you a great big hug! I hope we get to see you guys soon. Regardless of reunion possibilities - you can come stay with us anytime!

laura said...

you are an inspiration. i hope i get there someday.

Heather Allyse said...

Wow! I love hearing about how you have been able to get through things, and how you are celebrating each moment with your kid's, good or bad. I love you an I enjoy seeing pictures of you and your beautiful family!

lynsey said...

you two are such amazing people, and though i am so sorry for how hard this has been for you {i just want it to be EASY for you for once, dang it!}, i am so inspired by your strength and good attitudes. thank you for being friends that we can look up to and follow your examples. praying things went well this weekend for you!